Today is perhaps one of the saddest days of my life. My mother who has been dealing with dementia, now has been diagnosed with advanced oral cancer. Her journey the past three years has been nothing short of a nightmare. She was misdiagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 68 years of age and fell into a deep depression. She then suffered a stoke only to find out that she has vascular dementia, not that that is much better than Alzheimers.
She has been in and out of the hospital due to dehydration, loss of mobility and UTI’s, which apparently are frequent with patients who have dementia. She has recently returned home after a brief stay in a skilled nursing home. While in the skilled nursing home, she complained of a canker sore. It bothered her that it would not go away. Her husband subsequently took her to the dentist who then referred her to an oral surgeon. He made the initial diagnosis of squamous cell carcinoma. Today, my beautiful mother found out that it has spread to her lymph nodes and possibly elsewhere. She will have to undergo surgery to remove part of her tongue, possibly part of her jaw, and she may need a tracheotomy.
Needless to say, I am in shock. This beautiful woman who I love so deeply has suffered already so much. Why do we have to suffer so much at the end of our lives? I truly do not understand. It is so unfair. Yes, I know, life isn’t fair, but really, she already has God-awful dementia.
After having watched my mother live with dementia and my father die from cancer, I think cancer is worse. My father had bone cancer 15 years ago. It was devastating and the diagnosis proved to be a knock-out blow to my siblings and I just like my mother’s diagnosis today.
My mother gave me life. What a wonderful gift. In times like these, I appreciate my own life more and my mother who gave me life. I am eternally grateful to her for my life, and to God, who wanted me to be her daughter.
Life is delicate. There is a fine line between life and death. There are so many silly, petty and stupid things that I and others complain about on a day to day basis that have no meaning anymore, especially in times when a loved one is sick or dying. I believe these moments in life come around to teach lessons and give us new perspectives on the beauty of life and its fragility.
I know it’s cliche’, but “seize the day,” and “stop to smell the roses,” because no one knows when their time here on Earth is up.
Julie Schnieders 